HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014

Here's wishing a Super Happy New Year to all my family and friends. 

I’ve read many Happy New Year tweets and fb status updates today and many, many New Year Resolutions.  My resolution this year is to not make any resolutions!!  I am going to refrain from making any commitments to change or get organized.  I don’t have any frou-frou inspirational quotes or philosophical messages but to share one of the most profound statements I’ve read on Facebook:  “I can’t believe it’s been a whole year since I didn’t become a better person”.  That about sums it up for me.    Let me recap my year, in brief…. (just a few highlights)

Here’s what DID NOT happen in 2013:

1. I did not lose 20 or 30 or 50 pounds. 

2. I did not get organized. 

3. I did not make tons of money 

4. I did not get a fancy new car

5. I did not clean out any closets 

6. I did not commit any crimes or go to jail

7. I did not post one single blog post in 2013

8. I did not finish any of the scrapbook projects that I started in 2002 (and have carried over to each new year since) As a matter of fact, I think 2002 is the last year that I actually completed a scrapbook. 

9. I did not clean out my craft/sewing/computer room

10. I did not diligently stick to any diet or exercise routine

11. I did not get to travel the world 

This is what DID happen in 2013 

1. I managed to stay married – yes… I went there.  According to Jonathan’s doctors that’s a “lot less common for couples raising a special needs child to stay together than I would imagine”

2. I did not choke out my husband one single time

3. We celebrated our 10 year marriage anniversary 

4. We welcomed a new son-in-law and grandson into our family 

5. We found out we are going to be grandparents AGAIN :)

6. We welcomed a brand new great niece into our family 

7. We were able to purchase a much needed wheelchair accessible van for Jonathan 

8. I did manage to lose 15 pounds over the course of the year – and I’m praying that it’s not just hiding out temporarily and planning on sneaking up on me in the middle of the night. 

9. I started sewing again

10. I have watched our children make important life decisions and celebrated milestones and life in general with them

11. We enjoyed another year with our friends at Camp New Hope

12. I reconnected with some old friends and made a few new ones. 

13. I never once punched ANYONE in the throat, ever, even though I threatened it often. 

And evidently I’m a terrible blogger…. Apparently I’m determined to keep my published posts to 1 or 2 a year…. Lol 

Come on 2014.  I’m ready for ya.  

xoxo

Well, I'm here.  I haven't been in a while and I don't really have a good excuse.  I guess I got lazy or overwhelmed with life or I didn't feel like I had anything good to say but for whatever reason I was absent, now I'm back! Yay me!

I figured I'd come back quietly and unobtrusively and share a recipe that was a huge hit at dinner tonight.   It's a modified version of an old recipe I used to make when my kids were little. I was trying to think of a quick and different way to cook some chicken tonight and immediately got on Pinterest to get inspired. Then I thought of my chicken spaghetti recipe and decided to see how many variations there were... turns out there are a lot of variations.  So, I picked a couple of them that had components that are not in my original recipe but are really great additions and combined them with my recipe, adapted the recipe to fit the ingredients I had on hand and  Ta-Da!! A new family favorite!

Cheesy Chicken Spaghetti Casserole 

This recipe makes 2 9x13 pans of spaghetti, so unless you need a ton of it, you might want to adjust the recipe.   

Here it is: 

2lbs of whole wheat thin spaghetti (or bowtie pasta, or pasta of choice)
2 onions - diced and browned
8 chicken breasts, cut into cubes, cook in a skillet with salt, pepper and garlic - set aside
1/2 lb of bacon, cooked crisp and crumbled 
3 cans of rotel or italian seasoned tomatoes
8oz cream cheese - cut into cubes
1 1/2 cups of shredded mozzarella 
1 cup of creamy Havarti cut into cubes
(Besides the cream cheese, use whatever cheeses you prefer.  I happened to have mozzarella and Havarti in my fridge)
salt and pepper to taste
Cayenne pepper (optional - if you like a little kick)
Italian style bread crumbs
grated parmesan 
1-2 cups of broth or water

Cook pasta and set aside.  Combine chicken, onion, bacon, tomatoes, cheeses and 1 cup of the broth. Mix well. If it seems like it's going to be too dry, add a little more liquid but don't make it too soupy.  I mix the ingredients over heat to get the cheeses started melting.  Once everything is mixed well, add the pasta.  Be sure to get it all mixed together.  Transfer to a 9x13 pan.  Sprinkle with bread crumbs and Parmesan cheese.  Bake at 350 for about 20-30 minutes - just until it is bubbly.    ENJOY!!! 

My Dad

My Dad

I have to apologize for making such a vague Facebook status update the other day.  I normally don’t like to do that.  But I was having an extremely bad day.  In fact… this whole week has been, pretty much, a big ball of suck (for lack of a better term).    I apologize for anyone that assumed that there was something wrong with J-Man.  Thank God, he’s doing really well at the moment. I really just needed some reassurance and love and support and I am very thankful and grateful to all of my friends and family who reached out to me.   I feel like I should explain what’s been going on.  

My sister’s and I had been given some devastating information and I was trying to process it and actually, still haven’t been able to fully grasp what’s happening.    My Dad informed us, over the weekend, that he’s dying.  Not just dying, but literally, starving to death.  Every since he was diagnosed with Esophageal Cancer last year, his mindset hasn’t been the same.  Even though he made it through all the cancer treatments and the surgery like a Champ, and has been cancer free since, he never fully “bounced” back.  Apparently, within the last few weeks, he’s been unable to eat or drink anything - or at least anything of real substance - and has lost quite a substantial amount of weight.   What he told us the other day is that he is tired …. Tired of hurting, tired of feeling bad, tired of living.  He feels like it’s his time to go.  He got himself signed onto Hospice and refuses any sort of intervention… no feeding tube, no fluids, nothing…. 

He said we should accept that it’s his time and we all knew this day would come eventually. The thing is,  it may NOT be his time… he has chosen not to have a feeding tube so we can get some weight back on him and help him gain some strength back.   We’re just supposed to watch him waste away and die!!!  How can he expect us to be “okay” with that?  How can he even ask us to do that?   We’ve all tried talking with him.  We’ve begged, pleaded, cried, yelled, and even tried to guilt him into eating or changing his mind about the feeding tube.  Nothing….   He’s dead set in his decision.   I yelled at him the other day.  Said he was being selfish for putting us in this position.  That I do NOT, under any circumstance, like his decision nor do I believe I can ever accept it.   I begged him to tell me what is going through his mind… to try to help me understand WHY???? I said, “Dad… I NEED you to explain your rationalization to me….. Please, help me understand why you think it has to be this way…. So that maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to come to terms with this…. Or at least try to”.   He couldn’t tell me why.    Our dad….. A Career Military Man… Army Drill Sergeant – Tough As Nails Soldier… Husband, Dad, Granddad, and Great Granddad…. One of the toughest men I’ve ever known is now one of the weakest and most frail men that I’ve ever known.  How can this be?  He was always such a hard-ass when we were growing up.  I just can’t figure it out. 

My emotions are all over the place…. I’m a basket case these days.  I’m mad and frustrated but I don’t want to be mad and frustrated.  Then I get mad at myself for being mad at him.  I am truly trying to understand so that I can get some sort of peace.  My heart is breaking.  I don’t know how I’ll have the strength to watch him go through this dying process.  I’m beyond frustrated - I’d like to just shake him and tell him to WAKE UP!!! 

After I yelled at him the other day, I told him I love him and that I thought he should think about the feeding tube again.  He promised me he would seriously consider it and let me know his final decision on Friday (tomorrow). The problem is that I don’t know if he’s capable of making any decisions at this point.  His mind is pretty foggy, from either the pain meds or the dehydration… probably both.   And if he actually is still lucid enough to change his mind, would he be doing so just to “humor” us?  I think I could live with that….. but then what if something more devastating happens down the road?  There are going to be so many things left unanswered.   

I guess I could look at it as a blessing of sorts…that we have the opportunity to say things to him that might, under different circumstances, go left unsaid.  Can that, REALLY, be considered a “blessing”?!?!?  I’m not sure because of the situation.   

Like I said before…. I don’t know how to do this.  I don’t know how to accept OR respect my dad’s decision.  I don’t know how to deal with this whole thing.  I hope that my sisters and I can find a way to come to terms with this and find some peace, somewhere.   This still feels like some horrible nightmare.  I haven’t given up the hope that he’ll “snap out” of this.  I still believe in miracles. 

Homeward Bound

So we spent a few minutes saying farewell to the family and we're finally on the road to Alabama. As we passed by the cemetery, it struck me.... I underestimated how strange I would feel knowing that this was the, absolute, last time I saw would ever visit North Carolina and see my Mom's face..................

Rest In Peace, Mommy

Well, today is the day that we lay our Mother in her final resting place.  This has been an extremely emotional week, month, year, etc.... for all of us.  We've enjoyed being together and sharing all our funny and happy memories of Mom.  But today we will say a final "Good-Bye".   She has had a wonderful life with a Husband who adored her and lovingly doted on her!  I am forever grateful for George .... he took such wonderful and amazing care of her in her health and during her illness. I'm confident that I can speak for all of my sisters when I say that we appreciate and love him so much for loving and caring for our mother!
The Funeral Home invited us to come for a "Pre-viewing" yesterday... just the family... and it was so much more difficult than I imagined it would be.  That was my Mom lying there in that box....She was beautiful, as always, so quiet and peaceful.  This is a woman who was very "Vibrant" and full of life.  She liked her glitz and ALWAYS shined!  Sparkles, Sequins, Glitter, Jewels, Rhinestones.... Bling was her thing and these things will always remind me of her.  She loved to laugh and also to make the people around her laugh, AND she had the most infectious laugh you have ever heard!!  She, literally, NEVER met a stranger. She would talk to anybody.   She was very passionate about life and everything. We often referred to her as the "Spicy Korean Woman" and it honestly fit.  When she was upset with any of us,  there was no question.... we KNEW it!! And when she was excited about something, she was not ashamed to show it! With our Mother, you always knew how she felt and where you stood.  Even if she never said a word. 
She could tell the funniest, stories and, especially as children, we never really knew if her "stories" were real or made up.... she had a unique outlook on everything and always put her own spin on her stories.  Plus she had quite a flair for drama!  I remember this time that she came to my school.... .I was in about the 8th grade and I played in the band.  We were having a "concert" and I didn't know she was in the audience........ AT FIRST.   After we played our first song, all was quiet in the gymnasium and we were preparing to play again when suddenly this tiny Korean woman stands up and from the back of the gymnasium we hear  ........ "HEEEYYY WENDY..... MOMMY LOVE YOU!!"... all the while waving like a mad woman! She had to make sure I noticed her and I knew she would not stop until I acknowledged her, so I very discreetly stuck my hand up and waved back (if I hadn't, she might have very well come to the front to make sure I saw her and knew she was there)  Well, of course, I was mortified!!! What 8th grader wouldn't be?!?!  But I would give anything to have her jump up and yell to me from across a crowded room again.  It's amazing how the memories come flooding back like dominoes.  One leads to another.
There have been times that I didn't fully appreciate her or the things about her. And I know I often got frustrated with her and her "ways".  There were too many times I let my own stubbornness come between us. BUT - I am extremely thankful that I talked to her during the Holidays this past year.  I was able to come to terms with some issues that had been plaguing me and I let them go, finally.  And I will be forever grateful that I was able to spend her last birthday with her and tell her face to face that I love her.  I am sad that she is gone, but I am so happy that she is not suffering any longer.  She fought a good fight for a really long time.... and maybe that is part of the reason it's a little surreal that she is actually gone.  She had always managed to push through before.   But her body was exhausted and Jesus was ready for her to come "Home".  I have great comfort in knowing that I will see her again one day and she won't be in any pain and she can yell from across Heaven, a loving, embarrassing, sentiment to greet me when I arrive!  I will, so, look forward to that!!!

I love you Mommy!   Rest in Peace.  I hope you know how much you were loved and will be missed. 


Snuggles and Smooches ~ xoxo

A brand new day

I have got quite a bit of catching up to do.  I started this blog at the beginning of the new year, as sort of a "resolution" and my intention was to post something every day or at the very least, every couple of days.  Well that hasn't worked out so good for me, so far.  I had my surgery in December, a week and a half before Christmas, and the recovery has taken a little longer for me than I thought it would.  I had no idea that it was going to knock me on my Arse like it did.   Thankfully I've had my wonderful in-laws here from NY to help with the day to day things around the house and most importantly, to help with Jonathan, since I have not been allowed to do any lifting or pulling any sort of strenuous activity. And believe me, my mother in law has been a stickler for the rules too!!! LOL  She has not let me do anything!  I fear that I might be quite spoiled when she leaves and for sure, I'll have to retrain myself to Jonathan's routine.... I have been out of practice for the last 6 weeks!! Plus my poor hubby has been getting quite used to his mama having plenty of cooked food around the house. So, when they leave back to Buffalo, I may have to give in (a little) and try to cook more often than once or twice a month. 

Anyway,  it's late and I need to get some sleep.  But hopefully, this week, I can get all caught up and filled in on this blog o' mine.         

Until then....... Sweet Dreams.

Snuggles and Smooches!  xoxo

My Mom

One of the strongest and most stubborn people I know.